We are Meaning-Making Machines: Is that good or bad? Yes.
Last month, I wrote about the idea of celebrating ourselves - finding internal validation rather than seeking external, and how it changes the way we show up. It got a lot of response from many of you (thanks for sharing your reflections with me. I love hearing how my stories elicit yours.) What I heard from many of you is that the article was timely and that you are reframing the story you tell yourself about what is going on in your life right now.
And through those conversations, I wanted to answer the next question that arises: How does showing up differently, sparked by changing our internal conversation, improve our happiness?
Imagine three different scenarios:
Your boss or client sends an email asking to “meet.”
You see a friend at the grocery store who hasn’t responded to your text last week.
You enter a conference in a new city, and you know no one.
In each one of these, you are telling yourself a story, whether you are conscious of it or not. In order of scenarios, you could be telling yourself:
My last piece of work wasn’t good enough. I’m being reprimanded, or if you’re especially imaginative like me: “I’m being let go.”
She didn’t have the time to respond to my text; I don’t feel like talking to her. Or if you’re especially imaginative, she thinks I’m a loser.
I don’t belong here. Why did I pick this outfit? UGH.
These messages we send ourselves affect our spirit, our body language, and, simply put, how we show up. We might slink into the client meeting with our shoulders hunched, avoid talking to the friend in the grocery, and wallflower* ourselves at the conference. *(I just want to acknowledge that wallflower is not a verb, but it’s my article, and I can make it a verb if I want to.)
Meanwhile, the client wanted to ask for advice about how to handle a situation, because they value your input. Your friend is having a tough time with something in her life, and she’s just focused on that. Someone walks up to you at the conference and compliments your entire look.
And you realize:
Whoa, the meaning I create from things can boost my confidence and influence how I lead and connect with others. (or not!)
What if we just skipped that whole part where we tell ourselves unhelpful stories?
We could instead practice catching negative thoughts and consciously replacing them with positive, empowering ones like:
I’m excited my boss/client wants to talk. I wonder how I can be of service to them?
My friend needs me to come over and cheer her up; something is going on.
I have so much to offer the strangers in this room. I can’t wait to learn about them and see how I can help.
Think about how that changes how you walk in the room, what you say, and what actions you take. It has a dramatic effect. And in turn, how the people in your sphere respond to it and you.
If we return to the question of influence and getting people to choose us over another option, the stories we tell ourselves matter.
You may be thinking, ‘Oh, so you’re suggesting I lie to myself.’ But creating positive stories isn't about deception; it’s about choosing empowering perspectives that influence your actions and presence for the better.
This isn't magical thinking. It's choosing to make a meaning that works for you before you have all the facts. When you do that, you show up differently - more confident and present. That energy is magnetic. People feel it and respond to it.
The stories we tell ourselves don't just change how we feel—they change what becomes possible.
Hey. Happy New Year. I’ll see you in a few weeks.