The Irony of Making it About You
I have a dozen or so stories in my personal library that I draw from for my keynote speeches. I choose which stories I’ll include based on relevance to the audience (nonprofit, corporate leadership, or a women’s conference).
I’m always curious which stories will get the most reaction and feedback. It’s never the same: one day, it might be my personal story about a vacation, another, the video I shared about a nonprofit, or the Ted Lasso clip.
Either during my talk or after, people will share how a story impacted them. And while the actual story might change, the impact is always the same:
They see themselves in the story.
Whether we realize it or not, we are all walking around viewing life through a lens - that lens is our lived experience, which informs our perspective. What that means is people are listening to and watching your stories and thinking about themselves in your place: What would they do? How would it feel for them? What can they learn? What in their lives does this remind them of? It’s a continual internal soundtrack (like the earworm of the latest pop riff). Your audience is not just a passive listener, but an active participant in the storytelling process.
This should free you from your biggest fear as a storyteller: making it about you.
Your personal story feels like it's about you. But it's not. If you tell it right, it becomes about them.
How to Make Sure Your Story Lands
Intention: What’s your point? You’re telling a story for a reason, not just to talk about yourself. Build up to the point deliberately (and leave out the stuff that doesn’t serve it!).
Connect to purpose: Consider that the experiences in our stories might be unique, but the themes and emotions are universal, so that’s where your audience can connect. There is a higher theme or emotion you are tapping into - what is it? Ask yourself - what is this really about?
Be generous: What are the lessons? What can someone take away from your story?
Don’t over-explain: E.B. White said, "Explaining a joke is like dissecting a frog. You understand it better, but the frog dies in the process." The same goes for storytelling. Leave room for your audience to connect the dots themselves. This respects their intelligence and lets them engage more deeply.
When I ask members of the audience how a particular video clip affected them, I’ll get a myriad of responses, and it depends on the listener - be it a mother, an environmentalist, or a burned-out executive. They each pull out what matters to them. That's not a problem. That's the point. Your job is done if you got them thinking.
How do you know if it’s worth telling?
The only way to know is to start telling it. Start with a low-stakes situation and gauge the reaction. Hone it and amp it up. You’ll be fine.
You won’t know the impact of your stories until you start telling them. But rest assured, your stories have value and can make a difference.
Don’t worry about making it about you. Because if you tell it well, we’re all making it about us.
Take care out there.